Cuffing Season

Whats good ladies and gentlemen and thanks for stopping by. Here at Slanderville we like to push the envelope a little bit, rattle a few cages, and push a few buttons. All in good fun tho. Some people in life have an uncanny ability to recognize things that take place everyday that the untrained eye could not spot. Some people can actually put it into words, shed light on the situation, and actually make you say "damn thats so right!" So in the turbulent world of the dot coms thats filled with fake models, local rappers, weak party promoters, thirsty heathens, and your everyday average computer user we found such a man that seperates himself from the pack. Meet JR

JR is just your regular average dude from Southwest Detroit with illegal tint, a passport, a very large vocabulary, an iPhone with naked pictures of your baby mama, and more guns than Leon from Resident Evil. And he just so happens to say the dopest shit. Many not agree with his words or his peculiar way of thinking, but one thing is for certain, the topic at hand will spark debate. So in his latest installment of his prolific blog he will shed light on cuffing season. JR the floor is now open....

Whats good everybody and thanks for taking the time out of your work day to read my latest blog. Its not like your doing shit at work anyways but uploading pictures of that weak ass dinner you made last night, or your ever growing bathroom photoshoot albums. As many of you know its cuffing season. For those who dont your probably single, and asking yourself "why is that as of Nov 14 there is an estimated 7 billion people on Earth and you cannot find a mate". If thats the case you definitely need to read this.

Cuffing Season (noun)- Period of time which a man secures a woman temporarily for companionship and sexual favors during the winter months to avoid thirst and insanity. Cuffing season usually begins the last day of summer and lasts right before Memorial day.


Summer is officially over and we are right in the midst of fall while winter is just a few weeks away. Niggas are somersaulting off the high dive into chicks inboxes. Dudes have officially cut off 3rd and 4th string sidechicks and are going back to their ex's, and chicks facebook walls look like Scarface's living room when Sosa's goons ran up in there with fully automatics. Cuffing season is now in full effect. Usually dudes try to have their main chick by the time the first snowflake hits the ground. That gives them ample time to secure a mate and prepare for the long harsh winter ahead. Just like with anything of any significance in life you have rules. A set of guidelines one must follow. Finding a chick to cuff is no different.

THE CANDIDATE - Now this decision is very important. You cant just go cuffin any ol scallywag with dirty flip flops and no sheets on her mattress whos idea of a homecooked meal is hamburger helper. Who wants to come home after working 10 hours to a meal that came out of a box with Marios glove on the front with a clown face? That shit is totally unacceptable b. Women who just got out of a relationship is prime for cuff season. They felt neglected all summer and are desperate for attention and will go beyond the call of duty to please you.

Immediate disqualifications

Dusty ceiling fan blades- Any chick that does not notice and lets the dust build up on the ceiling fan blades usually will not notice the early warning signs of an STD.

Eats any of the whore meals and toppings- See last blog

Does not put her DVD's in their respective cases and piles them up on top of each other, and drinks straight out of the bottle- I mean really the damn bottle? You can tell she's used to waking up in unfamiliar surroundings with no memory of the night before.

If she looks bad in her club pics- Chicks are masters of deception and can take pictures at weird and mysterious angles to conceal their flaws. Not on club pics. Those are usually one shot deals so if it comes out bad there is no hiding it and you will find out.

If she has multiple pictures cropped on her default- She's trying to hard to convince you. She's hiding a secret and is trying to distract you with several tender photos cropped on one frame. She cannot be trusted.

The niggas she lets write on her wall- No queen with a decent credit score and a dental plan would let any ol thirsty savage write on her wall talking about come to the studio, lets smoke, or speak in grammar that takes you several attempts to figure out what the fuck they are trying to say.

If $He Writ3$ LIke ThIS and her location is multiple cities


SOCIAL INTERACTION- During cuffing season you cant just have her going out to any ol party or event. The day before Thanksgiving is the biggest bar night of the year but should she be out drinking shots with you? Fuck no b she should be at home preparing Thanksgiving dinner and asking you what kinda pie you want. Now we all know Facebook is battleground for some of the Thirstiest souls this planet has ever seen. Make sure she puts her relationship status to taken but never tag you in it. If she decides to hang with her girls make sure they are not level 4 whores or higher. (blog coming soon to identify each level) Most men do not allow their chick to even speak to a man during this period at all. This can be at your discretion

Benefits- Only four articles of clothing are to be left at your premises at all times no more. Mainly toothbrush, comb, and things of that nature. 35% percent of DVR space is alloted. Changing music in the car while you drive is not be tolerated or taking sneak pics.

RESPONSIBILITIES- During sporting events snacks must be pre made an hour before game time. The biggest part of her underwear should be the tag other than when she is on her menstrual. All men are different so the rest of her responsibilities are at your discretion but the above is the prerequisite.

CONCLUSION- Women are very unstable creatures of habit so when cuffing season comes to an end be sure to let them go gently in a safe and crowded area. Preferably on good terms. Severance packages may be available in the form of considering her for next years Cuffing Season.

Well there you have it folks cuffing season in a nutshell. I'd love to stay and talk more but I gotta get back to finding a date to go see Breaking Dawn. Yall be cool how yall be cool. Oh and remember, if all her R&B albums are burnt copies she might be a hoe. I'm out