Whore threat levels

SEX SEX SEX. It seems that its everywhere you look these days. We as humans are a very peculiar group when it comes to that. We are the only species that will mate just for pleasure and not solely for producing offspring. Every single animal in the animal kingdom only mates to reproduce. Except dolphins. I knew something was wrong with those squeeky aquatic motherfuckers when they jump out the water for no fuckin reason. Being the fact that we have sex for pleasure makes us a promiscuous species. And where you have promiscuity you have whores.

This may sound juvenile but at the end of the day all women are whores. It starts the moment she gets her first period. This is a scientifically proven fact. This is not a bad thing. There are different levels of whores. Why is it when a group of men get together and form a stand against women they are called misogynist? But when women form together against men they call it empowerment. What a crazy world we live in. Being the fact that I'm about enlightenment and delivering lucrative information to the streets I will explain the many different levels of whores.

White

Now here is your entry level whore. In This level a woman has never had actual sex but maybe engaged in minor activities at most. Chicks usually begin this stage in high school but move on to the next level at least by graduation. White level whores could never make a man happy.

Yellow

The next level on the whore chart is yellow. Women who are in the yellow threat level only has had a few partners. Not to exceed 5. This is what I would call wifey material. Yellow level whores love to go out and drink, socialize, and have a good time, but all in moderation. They keep it sexy, but yet classy. They enjoy listening to music but keep the volume at minimal levels. They read non fiction novels and usually have wifi.

Orange

Now this is when shit starts to get a little out of hand but cannot be detected by the untrained eye. Orange level whores usually have a kid but are not with the baby daddy and is enjoying her new found freedom. They will cheat on their man if they think another dude is cute. Orange level whores do not mind being hoes just as long as nobody finds out. They had an STD at least one time and fight in clubs. They are really fun to kick it with and will give up the buns fairly easy. They usually post club pics as their profile pics and many are self proclaimed internet models. Orange level whores will call upon red level whores when they are fighting with their man to go out and have a good time but still look down upon the red level whores actions. They are not wifey material, but some dudes cuff them anyways. Play at your own risk.

Red

She cannot be trusted. Red level whores have no regard for human life. They do not last in a relationship for longer than a year and usually cheat within the first month. They know they are frowned upon by society and look to Marilyn Monroe for inspiration. They know the price of everything off the McDonalds menu including tax and do not own picture frames and flower vases. They do not use their real name on Facebook and are still undecided on what to be when they wanna grow up even though they are almost 30. If she has an apartment with no furnishings she is a red level whore.

Black

This is the point of no return. There is no saving her. Getting high and drunk is no longer a weekend thing. Its everyday. She has gucci mane in her CD player and is rolling blunts in the morning before the milk has even splashed on her apple jacks. Her spelling is an atrocity and she usually has a felony. She does not remember how many dudes she slept with and never went back for her HIV results. She will never own the keys to a happy home.


I hope this blog helped gain you the reader a little bit more information on the term whore and its characteristics. Like always I'd love to stay and chat some more but its getting late, school is about to close, and I gotta ride thru Dearborn with a clean Cadillac that has illegal tint and the 40 cal is on me. Y'all be cool how y'all be cool and until next time. Oh and remember, if she pays for her own photo shoot shes definitely a hoe. I'm out

The Friend Zone

The boogeyman, the cooties, Bloody Mary, the monster in the closet,ect. What do all of these things have in common? They are nothing more than amorphous imaginary beings and anomalies that are used by adults to frighten children into behaving. I remember when I was little and it was getting late my grandmother would tell me when it gets dark a monster comes out. As soon as it got a hint of dark I was out b. None of these things actually exist, but utter the word "The Friendzone" to a grown ass man and you will see a look of pure terror on his face that is almost bone chilling. But unlike many of our childhood horror stories full of monsters and scary places, the friend zone is fuckin real b.

Friend Zone(noun)- A deep dark abysmal hell of another dimension that a man is banished to by a woman where there is no possibility for romance nor the vagina and the chances of him being set free are nearly impossible.

You already know that we live in a world that is purely ran on thirst. Woman can have sex anytime, any place, and anywhere they want. They know this. It is scientifically proven that a woman knows whether or not she will have sex with a man in the first 30 seconds. 30 fuckin seconds b. I cant even come in the door, take off my coat, and put the fuckin keys on the table in 30 seconds. When a man likes a woman he wants to express his feelings by entering her walls. Plain and fuckin simple. This is natural. It is embedded in our genetic code. For woman its not that simple. The female brain cannot posses this logic. It comes with an onslaught of complex emotions and unnecessary formalities. The end result? Its easier for chicks to place men into the category as friends, and you thirsty savages out there commenting on every single pic she post at rapid speeds makes it easier.

For a women a male best friend is the best of both worlds. She can reap all the benefits of having a man around (needs her flat tire changed, sink fixed, strength, decision making, ect) without the pressures of sex. She will use your credit card to rent a car then pick up her boyfriend and fuck him in it while its parked right outside your window b. Your either a lover or a friend b. And once you have been banished to the friend zone their is no coming back..... or is there? Being the fact that I'm all about enlightenment and dropping lucrative knowledge to the streets I will show you what are the indicators that you are in the friend zone and how to escape. Yes escape. I'm talking about some Tim Robbins shawshank redemption dig a tunnel under the prison totally undetected type of shit.

YOU ARE JUST A FRIEND IF

-She tells you that you are a "nice" guy. It really translates into " your a man that is husband material but I'm so fucked up mentally that I like men who abuse me, fucks my friends, and treat me like shit, and I need you there as someone to talk to when things go wrong"

-She tells you about the guys she fucked

-When you actually make a move and she tells you "I dont want to jeopardize our friendship"

-If she does not correct her typos on a text message

-You go to kiss her on the cheek and she almost snaps her fuckin neck making sure her lips are as far away as possible from yours

-YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE VAGINA!


WAYS TO ESCAPE THE FRIENDZONE

alcohol

Now this right here is a game winning touchdown pass in a bottle b. A bottle of patron will have you out of the friend zone 30 min flat and right into greener pastures. Several sips of this and she wont feel bad for giving you the vagina. She will just blame it on the bottle and her inability to make proper judgement. It cant be E&J, five star, absolute, smirnoff or any of those other poverty liquids. Only top shelf.

Make her jealous

Put her in the friend zone. It confuses them. Remember when screech tried for many years to get at Lisa on saved by the bell ,but she wasnt having that. Then Violet came along and he didnt like Lisa anymore. Well thats when shit got real. Women are the most insecure and unstable creatures on this planet. They love attention. Better yet they feed on it. I know like 5 of hottest chicks in the city maybe even the state, and guess what... they all say each other is ugly. coincidence? Fuck no b. Show your attention to another chick and post a picture on facebook of you on a date having fun, and as soon you release the upload button shes texting you at rapid speeds. Women hate not being the root of your happiness. She will give you the vagina just to proclaim her position in the pack.


Make her laugh

If you can make a girl laugh then there is no reason why you cant make her cheat on her boyfriend. Having the power to make a girl laugh is like having the all weapons cheat on grand theft auto b. Your almost unstoppable. If she text you three wink smiley faces in a row you are playing a game of monopoly and she just landed on Pennsylvania Avenue and you got it stacked with hotels. Now she has to mortgage all her property b. You can always gauge how close you are on getting out of the friend zone by the type of "lol's" she uses on text messages or on facebook.

lol= she kinda likes you but does not know how to make it known yet

lmao= what you said really made her laugh, and now you have her undivided attention

lmfao!= The year is 1988 and her vagina is soaring above the sky waiting for you to jump from the free throw line like MJ and slam that shit.

Any additional exclamation points or o's at the end will indicate that the thirst has reached uncharted heights

Fellas do not get caught in the friend zone. Shit is real out b. I would love to stay and elaborate more but I gotta get back to the grind. I need a new Corvette for the summer time and you already know time is money. Yall be cool how yall be cool. Oh and remember, If she quotes Marilyn Monroe chances are shes a hoe. I'm out

Cuffing Season

Whats good ladies and gentlemen and thanks for stopping by. Here at Slanderville we like to push the envelope a little bit, rattle a few cages, and push a few buttons. All in good fun tho. Some people in life have an uncanny ability to recognize things that take place everyday that the untrained eye could not spot. Some people can actually put it into words, shed light on the situation, and actually make you say "damn thats so right!" So in the turbulent world of the dot coms thats filled with fake models, local rappers, weak party promoters, thirsty heathens, and your everyday average computer user we found such a man that seperates himself from the pack. Meet JR

JR is just your regular average dude from Southwest Detroit with illegal tint, a passport, a very large vocabulary, an iPhone with naked pictures of your baby mama, and more guns than Leon from Resident Evil. And he just so happens to say the dopest shit. Many not agree with his words or his peculiar way of thinking, but one thing is for certain, the topic at hand will spark debate. So in his latest installment of his prolific blog he will shed light on cuffing season. JR the floor is now open....

Whats good everybody and thanks for taking the time out of your work day to read my latest blog. Its not like your doing shit at work anyways but uploading pictures of that weak ass dinner you made last night, or your ever growing bathroom photoshoot albums. As many of you know its cuffing season. For those who dont your probably single, and asking yourself "why is that as of Nov 14 there is an estimated 7 billion people on Earth and you cannot find a mate". If thats the case you definitely need to read this.

Cuffing Season (noun)- Period of time which a man secures a woman temporarily for companionship and sexual favors during the winter months to avoid thirst and insanity. Cuffing season usually begins the last day of summer and lasts right before Memorial day.


Summer is officially over and we are right in the midst of fall while winter is just a few weeks away. Niggas are somersaulting off the high dive into chicks inboxes. Dudes have officially cut off 3rd and 4th string sidechicks and are going back to their ex's, and chicks facebook walls look like Scarface's living room when Sosa's goons ran up in there with fully automatics. Cuffing season is now in full effect. Usually dudes try to have their main chick by the time the first snowflake hits the ground. That gives them ample time to secure a mate and prepare for the long harsh winter ahead. Just like with anything of any significance in life you have rules. A set of guidelines one must follow. Finding a chick to cuff is no different.

THE CANDIDATE - Now this decision is very important. You cant just go cuffin any ol scallywag with dirty flip flops and no sheets on her mattress whos idea of a homecooked meal is hamburger helper. Who wants to come home after working 10 hours to a meal that came out of a box with Marios glove on the front with a clown face? That shit is totally unacceptable b. Women who just got out of a relationship is prime for cuff season. They felt neglected all summer and are desperate for attention and will go beyond the call of duty to please you.

Immediate disqualifications

Dusty ceiling fan blades- Any chick that does not notice and lets the dust build up on the ceiling fan blades usually will not notice the early warning signs of an STD.

Eats any of the whore meals and toppings- See last blog

Does not put her DVD's in their respective cases and piles them up on top of each other, and drinks straight out of the bottle- I mean really the damn bottle? You can tell she's used to waking up in unfamiliar surroundings with no memory of the night before.

If she looks bad in her club pics- Chicks are masters of deception and can take pictures at weird and mysterious angles to conceal their flaws. Not on club pics. Those are usually one shot deals so if it comes out bad there is no hiding it and you will find out.

If she has multiple pictures cropped on her default- She's trying to hard to convince you. She's hiding a secret and is trying to distract you with several tender photos cropped on one frame. She cannot be trusted.

The niggas she lets write on her wall- No queen with a decent credit score and a dental plan would let any ol thirsty savage write on her wall talking about come to the studio, lets smoke, or speak in grammar that takes you several attempts to figure out what the fuck they are trying to say.

If $He Writ3$ LIke ThIS and her location is multiple cities


SOCIAL INTERACTION- During cuffing season you cant just have her going out to any ol party or event. The day before Thanksgiving is the biggest bar night of the year but should she be out drinking shots with you? Fuck no b she should be at home preparing Thanksgiving dinner and asking you what kinda pie you want. Now we all know Facebook is battleground for some of the Thirstiest souls this planet has ever seen. Make sure she puts her relationship status to taken but never tag you in it. If she decides to hang with her girls make sure they are not level 4 whores or higher. (blog coming soon to identify each level) Most men do not allow their chick to even speak to a man during this period at all. This can be at your discretion

Benefits- Only four articles of clothing are to be left at your premises at all times no more. Mainly toothbrush, comb, and things of that nature. 35% percent of DVR space is alloted. Changing music in the car while you drive is not be tolerated or taking sneak pics.

RESPONSIBILITIES- During sporting events snacks must be pre made an hour before game time. The biggest part of her underwear should be the tag other than when she is on her menstrual. All men are different so the rest of her responsibilities are at your discretion but the above is the prerequisite.

CONCLUSION- Women are very unstable creatures of habit so when cuffing season comes to an end be sure to let them go gently in a safe and crowded area. Preferably on good terms. Severance packages may be available in the form of considering her for next years Cuffing Season.

Well there you have it folks cuffing season in a nutshell. I'd love to stay and talk more but I gotta get back to finding a date to go see Breaking Dawn. Yall be cool how yall be cool. Oh and remember, if all her R&B albums are burnt copies she might be a hoe. I'm out

Whore foods and toppings

Whats up ladies and gentlemen sorry to keep many of you all in suspense on when my next blog will slither out in the world of the dot coms. Its hard out here for a pimp espically when you have DTE bills and illegal tint. Now I'm sure many of you heard the expression "never judge a book by its cover". This is indeed true, but its not the case when it comes to ones eating habits. Judge a woman by the foods she eats. I know this sounds juvenile but its the truth. There is no better way a man can seperate a goddess from a whore than the meal sitting in front of her. A goddess would not dare to pollute their temple with such filth. Whores will eat anything in their grasp.

Being the fact that I'm all about enlightenment and delivering positive lucrative information to the streets I will show you several foods that never should be allowed to enter a womans body that you plan on actually starting a future with. If your woman consumes any of these products drop everything, and run immediately.

Taco Bell
First on the list is Taco Bell. No woman with any self respect would sit there and politely unwrap several tacos and slowly take a bite, and attempt to digest. Any woman who consumes anything off the Taco Bell menu owns a vagina that should under no circumstances be eatin.

Ramen noodles
Yes I said it. Ramen noodles. I mean many of us grew up on these delicate noodles but c'mon lets be real here. She did not even have enough class to buy the noodles in a cup. One bite of this and your day will be full of pure struggle and turmoil. Any woman whos dines on these will most likely never see herself in a wedding dress.

Do not be fooled here. Just because its filled notes of fresh apples, plump raisins, juicy cranberries and brown sugar does not hide the fact that its a whore food. It is still from McDonalds. It is made in the same vicinity as an egg mcmuffin. Chicks who want to pretend that their eating healthy usually order these.

Any chick that can sit there and eat a whole bag of these cannot be trusted b. Whenever you see a chick in public eat these pay close attention on how untrustworthy she looks.

Pineapple pizza
Now this is a meal only terrorist and sex offenders could enjoy. What kinda diabolical human being are you to sit there and destroy a perfectly created pizza. Do you think Kevin McCallister could of fought off two grown armed robbers with intricate booby traps and schemes in home alone if he ate pizza with pineapples on it? Fuck no b. It would of clouded his thoughts and visions

Chilidog
No respectable woman with a medical, dental, and vision plan would put this in their body. This is the meal of a underachiever

Taco Truck
The first thing that comes to mind when I see a chick eat at a taco truck is eviction notices, multiple baby daddies, STD'S,and collection notices. If you call this dinner you will never see greener pastures. Your food is made within close proximity of motor oil and transmission fluid.

Now this is the epitome of epic microwavable struggle. Any chick would sit there and actually wait 3 long hard min for this struggle of a meal to be ready will cheat on you as soon as you step one foot out the door to go into work.

Now this is just pure struggle and poverty in a bun. Even McDonalds knows this which is why they only bring it out for a limited time. The USDA does not even recognize this as a form of meat. If you see her putting one in her mouth you can legally punch her in the chest and will not get prosecuted.

Now there any several other foods that make the list but I just wanted to bring the main ones to the forefront. If you see your lady consume any of these meals run in the oppisite direction. Now I'm late for class so I gotta dip. Yall be cool how yall be cool oh and remember, if she has multiple chat windows open she might be a hoe. I'm out

The Thirst

First of all, I would like to apologize to my fans. I know I've been away for quite some time now and have not had a chance to reach out to y'all. Life is hard on these mean cold streets of the D, especially when you have a struggling computer that freezes and reboots every 5 seconds, and no cable dog. But no need to worry, I have reemerged from these dark alleys and I'm back with a vengeance. I'm here to slander and chew bubble gum and I'm fresh out of bubble gum b. For those who dont know me, I go by the name JR, but I'm known on these dot coms as one of Facebook's most intelligent and diabolical loud mouths: The Slander King. Welcome to Slanderville. A place where the women have pretty feet with manicured toes and are STD free.

Now, as we all know, summer is in full effect. Dirty flip flops and dusty wife beaters roam free. Gas prices are at an all time high, and the weed man is no longer making nickel bag deliveries. Everybody is texting and accessing the internet on their touchscreens. We now live in the age of technology, and social networking has reached new found heights. Social networking has made a quantum leap in this era. It can be used for many things; you can reconnect with old friends, network with various businesses, sell fake Jordans, post fake model pictures that you've paid for, and even make money. The new american dream right? But what people do not know is that there is a much darker and sinister movement going on right under our nose. It's called the thirst....

For those who are totally lost, the thirst is the sneaky, extremely desperate, diabolical way an individual uses to gain the attention of the opposite sex in hopes of fornication. This can happen to anyone at any moment. Many times it goes completely undetected. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the thirst is real out here and it has made its way to your computer screens. The thirst has been known to cause a human to do many strange things. You've got chicks sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night to see ex boyfriends, and niggas out here fuckin strippers in the back room for a slight fee. You even have engaged couples sneaking off for a nut as soon as their fiance goes to walmart to look for a 5 dollar movie in the DVD crate. I mean this shit is real. Being the fact that I'm all about enlightenment and giving lucrative information to the streets, I'm going to give y'all a crash course on the thirst and how to spot it on the internet.

Facebook is a battleground for some of the most epic acts of thirst one will ever witness. I'm not talking about your average entry level thirst. I mean straight, all weapons cheat, grand theft auto thirst. Now one of the first thirst tactics someone will encounter is called the "open thirst". It is one of the easiest ways to spot out of all the levels of thirst. It's right there, smack in your face, like the big chick who liked you in school and would try to intercept you in the hallway, that you could see all the way from your locker. Many forms of open thirst are usually comments, texts messages, and inboxes that state the evident: "I want you and I want you now."

Now, in the next level of thirst tactics, you have what I like to call "undercover thirst." It's usually a tactic that seems harmless but carries much more intent. Now to the untrained thirsty eye, a simple "LoL" means laughing out loud, but to a thirst veteran, it simply means "Hey do u notice me? This can possibly be yours!" Some call this the sneakiest and the oldest thirst trick in the book. Another one can be liking of comments and pictures. Any person that likes at least 3 or more of your statuses a day is basically trying to get your attention from the 8th floor window without anyone passing by noticing. If you just accepted someones friend request, and they immediately like your statuses, their genitals are on your front porch in a UPS package with signature confirmation. You've gotta be careful though, because anyone that likes a status that is too old, or a picture from an album over a year ago, will most likely sit on a tree outside of your house with a pair of binoculars.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. This is when the thirst booby traps are set out. A tactic primarily used by thirst veterans. Thirst booby traps are statuses or text messages that seem innocent but carry malicious intent. Examples are: The "good morning" status, "I'm so bored" status, "what's going on later" status, "what are you doing tonight" text, ect. Another thirst booby trap is the mobile upload thirst. This type of thirst trap is like making your own player on madden, and having all of their attributes and 99 percent accross the board. If used right, it will create epic waves of thirst amongst others, kind of like mind control. Chicks are notorious for this. One simple upload of a bikini picture at two in the afternoon, and niggas forget all responsibilities at work and sprain their index finger hitting the comment button.

I hope this quick little crash course will aid you in some form of fashion. I hope all of you enjoy the remainder of your summer and dont become a victim of "When the thirst goes wrong." Well, I've got to get out of here and hit up the gas station to get a lucy with a Welch's grape juice. Y'all be safe out here and until next time.

Oh, and remember if she has old dirty dishes in her bedroom, she possibly has an STD.